Friendship...

SimonSaysBakaSimonSaysBaka Posts: 648 ✭✭
edited October 2016 in Off-Topic Discussions
So I came to a conclusion today, true friends are hard to come by, today i removed everyone on my Facebook that i have never actually met in real life, all my game dev contacts, gamer friends and other people i haven't meet in real life. i know, I know Facebook **** its a pile of garbage, but hear me out here, my true friends and family are left on my friends list so when it comes to those people i found Facebook is nice no more fake **** i get to share and keep in contact with people that genuinely like me and that i do care for, and its a great way to keep in touch since we don't live with each other anymore and can only meet now and then cause of work and such, finally feel a reason to log into Facebook now.

On to friendship, not only Facebook but friends i meet outside of Facebook i have removed from my life, and it comes down to the same thing every time, people being fake... or and selfish. So how i judge my friends is based on the past cus i don't judge a whole friendship based on one incident, for an example this isnt someone i meet face to face but a great example, 8 years ago i meet this group of people online we played a lot of games together became friends, and specially found myself closer to one of em, who i talked over Skype each day he did most of the talking but we had fun any who most of the time, over time we joined a game project but he kept letting me down cus he talked big but when it came to actually doing something it was like we never had the conversation like nothing happened, i found myself confused over and over cus when i say im going to do something i always follow through, over the years he kept on doing the same even with meetings that we set a time for, and since we lived in different time zones i would have to get up in the middle of the night to go to a meeting when he wouldn't show up to just sit there and wait for no one to show up then later find out he was out drinking in bars, and this is how its been for 8 years, i don't give up on friends easy, and its not like i haven't tried, i keep sending him messages now and then but he never is the one to start a conversation with me anymore, i just see him in bar pictures with a drink in his hand now days so today i removed him from my life among others, i just feel like when someone that you built up a friendship with don't give a **** why should i be fake and have em on Facebook still, some of the people i removed from Facebook aren't bad people though they just part of the whole fake thing going around like a disease, i really don't know em anymore we never talk so what is the point.

True friends are hard to come by, to find someone that takes responsibility and isn't fake and then have the same interests as yourself its harder and harder these days, specially cause of Facebook or Fakebook, its like social media teaches people to lie, cus no one seems to say how they really feel they just go on Facebook and like and share **** over and over, media has turned a lot of people into social hypocrites.


Im still going to miss some of these people specially the guy i knew for 8 years, kinda makes me a hypocrite myself, but i still feel that when the scale tips over so the bad outweighs the good as much as it hurts its the right thing to do, even if its a selfish thought i always give everyone a chance.

Its strange i keep coming back to this community cus its a great group of people with great insight.

Where are all the real people?

Think i been unfair?, How do you guys deal with friends?
I like Cake!

Comments

  • ZiddersZidders Posts: 14,345 ✭✭✭
    I think how you feel is understandable. You've always seemed like a decent person and a good judge of character. I don't think you should kick yourself or feel stupid for trusting others. You're a good person. It's not your fault nobody's perfect. That and sometimes people change and drift apart.

    The best advice I feel I can give you is don't harden your heart against others. Sometimes friendship is a test of ones character, humility, wisdom, compassion and love. Sometimes it helps deepen those qualities. I know I've learned a lot about friendship from many of the people I've met here. People like you. Even though we barely know each other there have been moments between us we each found meaningful.

    Those small moments add up.

    I guess what I'm trying to say is love yourself and don't stop reaching out and giving other people chances. Each chance you take on someone else is a chance you take on yourself. Take some time away from social media. Be kind to yourself but be careful you don't miss out on the joys friendship can bring just because sometimes it can sting.
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  • SimonSaysBakaSimonSaysBaka Posts: 648 ✭✭
    Yea you got a good point there, im not afraid of making new friends though more disappointed in how old friends turn out but who knows maybe we will become friends again at some point, life is long or i hope. Guess i made the thread a bit too personal, was really trying ask about how social media is ruining our brains into becoming fake people that dont speak our minds, but you got good points as always zid and ill take em to heart.

    Have a good day sir.
    I like Cake!
  • ZiddersZidders Posts: 14,345 ✭✭✭
    social media is ruining our brains into becoming fake people that dont speak our minds
    Have a good day sir.
    I think the opposite is true. I think if anything the biggest negative about Facebook is that while It's helped people pay more and more attention to social issues it's also given extreme views more of an audience. That and people don't take time to weigh all the facts before they jump into a discussion. I know I'm guilty of it. Instead of people thinking on things before responding they click 'like' right away and then jump into the conversation. I don't think social media is 'evil' but it definitely has it's negatives which is why I do my best to think before I post and be as positive as I can.

    I post uplifting messages and poetry. I share beautiful art. I try to make my feed as positive as I can because I know my friends need that. When I do post something political it's always something involving human rights. I'm supportive of the LGBTQIA community for example and do my best to promote more compassion towards that community. Many of my friends are transgender and I see all the hate they have to deal with. Things like that where being supportive of it helps make the world a better place.

    I think if everyone would do that instead of posting so much negativity social media wouldn't be as bad. Thing is it's a reflection of society and the fact is there are a lot of stupid, hateful people out there. That's why I do my best to think and be as compassionate and loving as I can be. Maybe my voice doesn't mean much but it's meant something to a few people at least and for that I'm grateful.
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  • SimonSaysBakaSimonSaysBaka Posts: 648 ✭✭
    Facebook was just a great example cus it has only a "like" button and no "dislike" button like real life has. Not only Facebook but media in general is brainwashing peoples minds so they don't think for themselves anymore, sheep do what sheep does the best follow the herd. im not saying all people dont think for themselves but so many people are so naive its not funny anymore. As for Facebook i believe about 1% of what people share and post there cus so much of it is just false **** of events that happened in an completely different way or are just fake straight through.

    Social media IS ruining the real social ability that we have, when im with friends they are all holding their phones, and im like whats going on? this isnt hanging out its awkward, people also take up their phones in awkward situations like its a protection, people are slowly starting to drift apart, the social skills that people had 20 years ago are starting to die out, dont even want to know what it looks like in 100 years. Facebook teaches us to be fake, and with how things are going its just getting worse and worse, the real connection people have is still there with some people but its getting more and more fake as time goes on. The real connection the true connection is so rare these days, only people i have it with are my family cus we know each other and no amount of **** will change that, we dont lie, we dont share on facebook how much we love each other like some people do, cus our love is real and we know it and we say we love each often, no need to post it on facebook just adds to the pile of **** that facebook is.


    Some people cant say I love you face to face so they do it on facebook publicly, but are real awkward when you ask em why they never say it outside of social media, they also always blow everything they post up, so it seems their lives are so amazing while in real life its not so, thus brings me back the the fake part, the real people where are they? they are a special breed for sure cus they understand the importance of a real social connection, which most people seem to have lost these days, they just swallow all the **** media throws at them.

    truth hurts less people then lies does, at the end of the day whats the point of life if its not lived... For real...
    I like Cake!
  • SerkevanSerkevan Posts: 1,586

    Social media IS ruining the real social ability that we have

    SPEAK FOR YOURSELF. I never had any social ability to begin with! :lol:
    Jokes aside, I agree with most of what you said, Simon. Social media is, perhaps not deliberately, encouraging people to put on a facade. Granted, we do it anyway day-to-day but over the internet it's oh so painfully obvious.
  • JibakuJibaku Posts: 119
    I literally started a response to this around 9:30am and halfway through it I decided to just do it about my life, so I just finished like a couple minutes ago 12:00am.
    My tl'dr is such:
    "tl;dr: people are weird, life's weird, people come and go during your life just as you'll come and go during theirs (sometimes meeting again unexpectedly), some people have come and go with small influences on your life while others have huge influences on your life, you spend every moment of your life with yourself so I recommend being your best friend, be open minded about people, communicate as clearly and honestly as possible, learn a martial art/self-defence system and love without hope."

    Full thing can be found here: https://novni.com/letters/read/22050/so ... hips-in-it
    allard01 wrote:
    i had never known about arcane alchemist gear - lvl 40 and up as more as now I got. Such a beautiful topic to aware the people about arcane alchemist gear - lvl 40 and up.
    "Such a beautiful topic to aware the people"
  • Poket000Poket000 Posts: 1
    Very deep thoughts.
    I do not accept Facebook invitation from people who I used to know or who I've only seen but not talked to.
    But I think that sometimes we can make very precious friendships with people online and never see each other in real life ;)
  • MatthewwMattheww Posts: 1
    The best solution is have only closest firends on Facebook who we know in REAL life
  • ZiddersZidders Posts: 14,345 ✭✭✭
    Mattheww wrote:
    The best solution is have only closest friends on Facebook who we know in REAL life
    How many people really do this?

    Look-I get it. Social media can **** but you know what? It can also bring people together, lead to connections and profound experiences. I met both of my partners online. Between forums and social media I've met thousands of people and made hundreds of friends. May of these are good friends and a one of them is the best friend I've ever had. Yeah there's a lot of crappy people out there but there are a lot of good people out there, too.

    I'm sorry for anyone that's had a bad experience online but whether it's online or in real life there's always a chance you'll meet someone who turns things around and makes a difference in your life. I'm not saying worship it-trust me Facebook has it's issues as does every other site. Privacy, being forced to use real names, stalking, all that stuff. When it gets bad it can get really bad but it can do a lot of good as well. It can change lives for the better just as easily as it can make them worse. All I'm saying is don't be so quick to turn cynical and toss all the good it can do out the window just because some people use it to be dicks to others.
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  • SerkevanSerkevan Posts: 1,586
    Zidders wrote:
    How many people really do this?

    *Raises hand*

    Considering I'm mightily introvert and that I use FB only to look at a couple pages and chat with some IRL friends, it's not exactly unexpected.
  • ZiddersZidders Posts: 14,345 ✭✭✭
    Serkevan wrote:

    *Raises hand*

    Considering I'm mightily introvert and that I use FB only to look at a couple pages and chat with some IRL friends, it's not exactly unexpected.
    I stand corrected.
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  • SerkevanSerkevan Posts: 1,586
    Zidders wrote:
    I stand corrected.

    Nah, you don't. Most of the people I know have hundreds (300+ is common) of contacts, I only have around a hundred and some of them are not that close anymore (or just classmates and the like). I'm more or less an outlier.
  • DarkTailsDarkTails Posts: 4,148
    On a related note, I find it's hard to find good help/workers these days. Like you say, when you're a responsible sensible person, it's really frustrating and confusing when you team up with someone and they're total flakes, and worse, oblivious or unrepentant of their shortcomings.

    Hey dude, you can't get here at 7:30am to work? Why is it always 7:56am? Why are you never here a little earlier instead, like 7:23am?

    Things like that may seem small, but they're colossal indicators of what kind of a person it is you're dealing with, and it's a good way of weeding out the **** from the potential friend pool...or friend garden I guess. lol
  • ZiddersZidders Posts: 14,345 ✭✭✭
    DarkTails wrote:
    Things like that may seem small, but they're colossal indicators of what kind of a person it is you're dealing with, and it's a good way of weeding out the **** from the potential friend pool...or friend garden I guess. lol

    I would hope before you abandon a friendship over a trivial thing like being a little late for work you'd try and find out if they're OK and make sure there isn't a legitimate reason for it. I get jerks who are late on purpose **** but not everyone is out to ruin your day. Sometimes people have stuff going on they can't help.
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  • DarkTailsDarkTails Posts: 4,148
    Zidders wrote:
    I would hope before you abandon a friendship over a trivial thing like being a little late for work you'd try and find out if they're OK and make sure there isn't a legitimate reason for it. I get jerks who are late on purpose **** but not everyone is out to ruin your day. Sometimes people have stuff going on they can't help.

    Except it's not a friendship, it's a work relationship.

    Except it's not a little late, it's almost half an hour late. Everyday. As stated.

    IDGAF if you live 50 miles away or take a donkey to work. Wake the donkey up earlier. It's your responsibility to get to work on time so everyone else can carry on with their own responsibilities instead of being hindered by you.

    It's not trivial. **** those people. Come on everyone, get your **** together.
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